The Adventures of Catman
by IcelandGirl812
Summary: He had his cats. The cats were awesome. And then she came along, and she had him. And his cats. Christmas prezzie for the wonderful Vican.
1. Crazy Old Cat Guy

**I wanted to write something dirty for you for Christmas, Vic. Because you're dirty you. Obviously. But I sat down with my focus intent on Catward, and... this is what came out. I hope you don't hate me after you read it. Cause that would kinda make me sad, seeing as how I love you so. ;)**

**These are all 100 each, except for the last which is double that.**

**Thanks and loving gropes to my Trevvy for beta-ing this, calming my freak-outs, and for the summary.  
**

**Disclaimer: Names and appearances and blah blah blah, don't belong to me. The writing, most definitely does. The idea of Edward owning a cat? That belongs to Britoria, heee.**

**

* * *

**Cats were awesome.

I loved cats.

The two I had were siblings, though you couldn't tell from looks.

Just their behavior toward each other.

I was destined to become a crazy old cat guy.

(_Yeah yeah, I know I'm only seventeen, but my school doesn't have a drama club. I have to get it out somehow, don't I?_)

Because, no matter how ridiculous it sounded, I'd rather be at home around my cats than spending time with any of the girls in my school.

Until, that is—as cliché as it totally was to admit—Bella Swan moved to town.


	2. The Bakery

**Disclaimer: Words are mine, Twilight isn't, Catward is Vic's.**

* * *

I worked at a bakery every day after school.

It paid enough to buy things I wanted, even if not college.

Turned out, Bella Swan had a bit of an addiction to sweets.

How the woman kept the figure that drove me insane, was beyond me.

Beside the point, though.

She came in every day after school. My exact working hours.

At first, we were nothing more than polite business people.

But then, I was especially pissed off at our mutual biology teacher, and lamented such when she popped in as per usual.

After that, her dam sort of broke.


	3. Time

**Disclaimer: Twilight wasn't my idea. Neither was Catward. But the words are mine.**

**

* * *

**

In the time from Valentine's Day to April Fools, Bella and I somehow became kinda friends.

We'd talk in the classes we had together.

Wave if we saw each other in the hall.

Even sometimes eat lunch together.

The bakery, of course, had been dubbed (without actual words) our special place.

She'd come in, I'd stop all work to sit and chat with her.

I'd told her about my cats, and she didn't laugh.

Or run.

We talked about everything. Literally.

While eating baked goods, of course.

The woman had made me gain five pounds in less than six weeks.


	4. Wendy and Squints

**Disclaimer: Catward doesn't belong to me. Nor does the Twilight franchise. The words, on the other hand, do.**

* * *

She was Wendy Peffercorn to my Squints Palledorous.

Only, minus the age thing.

Summer had finally come, and I'd started my second job as lifeguard.

Of course, not every day was a swimming day in Forks. Even during summer.

But on days the weather cooperated, I guarded lives.

And Bella teased me by sunbathing.

So really, more like _I _was Wendy and _she_ was Squints.

Minus the age thing.

But still.

I'd get home from life-guarding, and my cats wouldn't be the only ones panting.

They panted from the heat and lack of indoor AC.

I panted cause of Bella.


	5. Wanting

**Disclaimer: I own it all. 'Cept for the Twilight stuff and the idea of Catward, of course.  
**

**

* * *

**

I wanted Bella Swan.

Wanted her in the kind of way that would get me arrested.

Of course, her father was the Forks Chief of Police. Hence the arrested thing.

Truth was, besides wanting her in all the normal teenage-guy ways, I also...

Well, I wanted her in others.

And not others as in I wanted to whip her or anything.

I just... I wanted to play chess with her.

I wanted to tag along with her on errands.

I wanted her to sit between my legs while reading.

I wanted to make lasagna with her.

I _wanted_ Bella Swan.


	6. Nathan and Simon

**Disclaimer: Me own words. Me no not own Twilight or first idea of Catward.**

* * *

"You guys know what it's like, right?"

Nathan and Simon stared at me, probably thinking I was crazy.

They'd been with me since they were kittens, though.

So maybe nothing about me surprised them anymore.

"I mean, you know what it's like to want something _so bad_ and not be able to have it. Right?"

They didn't nod. But I didn't expect them to.

"Of course you do. You wanna go outside all the time. And you can't."

Nathan ignored me in favor of licking his foot.

Simon continued staring.

"Yeah, you know exactly what I mean, don't you, Simon?"


	7. Dick

**Disclaimer: SMeyer gave me the idea of -ward. Vic gave me the idea of Catward. I just wrote the words.**

* * *

I didn't understand guys who were dicks for no reason.

I hated being a dick.

I generally never _was_ a dick.

In fact, I hated being a dick so much I wouldn't even see reason to use the word 'dick' at all if I didn't, ya know, _have one_.

And all.

"Dude, why do you have to be a dick like that to her?"

Paul snorted. "Nah, she likes it. Trust me. If you had a girlfriend, you'd understand."

If I had a girlfriend, I'd be spending my time doing lots of things _other_ than being a dick _to_ her...


	8. Supposed

**Disclaimer: I own the words. And some Milk Duds. Not much else.**

**

* * *

**"Ya know, I've never seen your cats."

"No?"

"No."

"Huh."

"I've never seen your house, either."

"I haven't seen yours."

"But I'm the police chief's kid. Everyone knows where I live."

"I've never seen _inside_ your house."

"I don't even _know_ where you live."

"...But, the other day you were talking—"

"Okay okay, I looked up Cullen in the Forks phone book."

"Did you now?"

"I was curious, alright?"

"Interesting."

"You're not supposed to say that."

"I'm not?"

"No. You're not."

"My bad. What am I _supposed_ to say?"

"You're _supposed_ to invite me over to your house."

"After you."


	9. Free Will

**Disclaimer: The words are mine, the Twilight is not, the inspiration to write Catward is not.**

**

* * *

**"They're brothers?"

"Yep."

"But..." She bent down closer to their level. "One's tall and long and fluffy, and the other's shorter and practically got no hair. And no tail."

I shrugged, too consumed with the fact that she was _here_, in my house, in my living room—all of her own free will.

"Wait, are they from the same litter?"

"Yep."

She looked back to me, a small smile on her pretty lips. "Which is which?"

Simon rubbed against her bent knee, bolting once she touched him. Nathan flicked a leg up and proceeded to lick his butt.

"Simon hid. Nathan's rude."


	10. Label

**Disclaimer: Please don't steal mah words. Like I stole SMeyer's characters.**

* * *

"Just... don't make any sudden movements."

My voice was two octaves too high. "What?"

Her laugh smoothed over my ears, like her hands felt when she brushed them comfortingly along my bare shoulders.

_I love summer._

_Because it means I can wear tanks and my fantasy girl can touch my skin._

Bella turned from me to open her door, waltzing into her house as though it were nothing.

Which it probably wasn't. To her.

"Hi, Dad." She flicked a thumb over her shoulder on the way to the fridge. "This is Edward."

She didn't label me.

I'd wanted her to.


	11. Pinky Promise

**Disclaimer: Mine equals the words. Twilight equals not mine. Prompt of Edward owning cats equals Vic's.**

**

* * *

**"Can I ask you something?" Her feet bumped into mine as she swung them above the water.

Teasing the water as she'd surely teased me many a time.

Though, maybe not tempting the water like she did me.

"Anything."

"Pinky promise?"

I rolled my eyes with a laugh. But I found her need of reassurance—and the childish way she went about acquiring it—downright cute.

"Pinky promise."

My hand moved toward hers, pinky wrapping around her own as I smiled.

The pool had long since closed for the day; I was off-duty.

We were alone.

"Are you ever gonna kiss me?"


	12. Had

**Disclaimer: The words are my valentine, cause they be mine. Twilight and Catward ain't.**

* * *

She tasted like white chocolate.

Her relationship with sweet treats was the only explanation I could come up with for it.

I wanted her to be _my_ sweet treat.

Even more so now that I knew her taste.

Her hair was up; I wanted it down.

Wanted to be able to feel it in my hands, between my fingers, brushing against any part of my skin.

Besides, how unfair was it that she got to grope my hair, when I couldn't reciprocate?

Not fair at all, I say.

An idea popped into my head, something I'd been longing to try.

And, since we seemed to be at a new plateau as far as trying new things with each other, I figured why the hell not?

She made the most adorable sound when I slowly pulled back from the white chocolate tang of her mouth.

"Uh-uh," she mumbled, grasp in my hair tightening as she scooted closer.

I dodged her lips, in favor of sampling her neck.

For too many months, I'd been seeing and wanting and craving her elongated and pretty neck.

And now, I could finally have it.

Now, I finally had _her_.

Or, I hoped so at least.


End file.
